I waited but you never came.

I stood there in the rain, waiting for you in the cold night.

My tears streaming down my face.

You could not see them because of the rain.

My body soaked but you were still not there.

I waited and waited all through the night but you never came.

My heart broke that night, when you never came.

The worst feeling isn’t death….It’s knowing that you aren’t needed…That you are alone in this world and that you no longer have a reason to live…

I found these last night when I was searching through my computer for pictures of my grandma and of anything else. I was really excited when I found them so I thought that I would just post them.

Well there has ben a lot of drama going on at my house which is really starting to wear my family thin, first there is the bull crap dealing with my grandma in Grand Island. We can't call her, can't see her, can't write a letter to her; we can't do anything with her!!! I am so sad because I miss my great grandma so much because she has been a huge part of my life and all of a sudden I can't talk to her at all recently.

Then I had a friend who was almost always coming over and we literally treated her like one of the family well guess what?! that just blew up in my face recently because she was trying to start a effing rumor that my brother's gf is pregnant and she isn't even close ya idiot!!!! So we refuse to have her over again or do anything nice with her. We even last year during summer, we went to Valentine, NE for vacation and we had taken her along...and this is the repayment we get for being always so nice to her.....screw that crap!!!! I will not stand for that with my family. I already have enough to worry about without her help. so now she is officially scratched out totally!! >.< sorry about that but I am really not happy with what she did.

Then I have a guy who really wants to go out with me and is literally begging me on faceboook and I don't even know who he is!!! I told him know and he just won't take no for an answer. I've already been hurt one too many times by guys who promise to do that one thing, Never hurt you. but then they turn around and stab you in the back which is just as bad with the situation above! It's like a double back stab and it hurts -_- I am so frustrated.

But i did go to Winter  Royalty with Ashley, Danielle, and Jared (no idea why he came but still fun). It was so much fun!! I had originally planned to go bowling with the same people and others but then the others bailed out on us. So then I went over there dressed up because I thought I had to and well then we decided to go to the dance! It was fun and I got to surprise a lot of my friends by randomly showing up because they didn't expect me to go so it was awesome!! Then we spent the night at Danielle's house and we played a game that was called Boys Are Stupid or something where if we got 5 rocks we could supposedly throw them at boys but we didn't get too but it was still alot of fun to play it! It was a lot of fun at her house :D I hope that I can have another sleep over with them again ^^ XD lol. well there isn't much more to talk about so I think i'm done blogging for now. last week was boring so maybe this week will be different...Another insane day in an already insane world!!!!! Yay XD

Not Much to Say

Surprisingly it has been difficult the last few days to decide what i should blog about so i stay ahead or keep up or how ever it goes XD I was looking at some things last night and realized that i have changed so much that it's really scary. i also found a poem that i had written without going out with this guy whom i had really liked and yeah >.> I don't think I should post it because one paragraph possibly could be a little inappropriate but i really do want to post it just to see what others think of it....i don't think i will though til someone looks at it and says it's ok to put up XD
I got to babysit my bird's babies yesterday and it was amazing!!!! i really love having them come over and it sounds like they are coming over again next week for possibly 2 days :D yay!!!! Party time for me with them XD they'll be bigger then normally.

after the babies went home I went over to Ashley's and played a game with her, Danielle *not sure on spelling* it was so much fun!!!!!!!! i really enjoyed playing with everyone who was there even if i don't fully understand all of it yet! XD i don't care! i still had a heck of a time and it was a great stress reliever so that helped as well but mostly it was just nice  to be with some people who i might soon consider friends. 2 i already do and the others i'm getting to know better so yay XD lol and my wrists really hurt now so i think i'm going to stop typing >.< so smart of me hahahahahaha

Another Bad Day......

*sigh* This week is turning out to be a really really bad week...first the drama on monday and now this crap...My mom and bro were fighting over what he could put on his class ring because he wanted to put Dean, Dawn, Devin, Lynn and my mom only saw that he wanted Dawn and Lynn then she freaked out....and the hell starts raining over our house...so finally after their fighting he decided to put something completely different. Some German phrase which is much better because it is more like my brother...so finally now my mom is fussing over it but in a really bad mood which she shoved onto me and has totally got me backwards...so now i am.......i have no idea.....i just know that i am really hurt and stuck......sorry to complain i'm done now.....

Bad Monday

Wow...I think this is the worst Monday that I have had ever so far just this new year....apparently I am being talked about behind me back >.< really do not like that!! If you have a problem with me...then come to my face and don't complain to other people who have their own problems to worry about!!! Sorry am really frustrated with the recent news that I just got *.* It is really testy becasue it's so screwed up!! Just because I am concerned with someone and I talk to another person to try and figure out what to do doesn't make me a bad person.....well at least I don't think it does. I also know that the person I talked too really cares for this same person but has a lot more wisdom than I do so that's why I went to them. I don't know all of it, what i really know is that I am now being scorned by that person for being concerned and am having love troubles XD ha ha ha ha ha ha oh well just another day isn't it...ugh drama........................ &_&
Well at least I got my picture story done!!! XD I am happy that I got that all done and over with...now that it is all written out I can really see why I wrote it the way i did... >.> don't ask hee hee it is not a good ending for my characters basically. This day has gone from mostly good to down right crappy!!! I really need a friend to come over and hang out with me >.< but also who i want to talk too is about a gazillion miles away so...i really miss talking to them...I might try and call them tonight just to see if I can't get a hold of them :D that would help make the day better and also good news too....I am beginning to wonder why I even bother to help people out when it just comes back and bites me in the butt in less than a few days......maybe I should really stop and just retreat for quite a while...
Please don't say anything like it will get better >.< I know it will but I am just having a frustrating day and feel like ranting...mostly to get things off my chest :/